MEMORY SHARE: 12 OF BEETROOT EVENT (May)

[voidmissions]

JEMA'GRETHY MEMORY SHARE

The caves of Jema'grethy will allow for a few different ways for memories to be interacted with. But for most, such as those entering in bonds, it will be seen like a vision in their head, putting them in the position and perspective of whose memory it is.

For people sharing bond memories, and also memories being shared while moving through the Memory Cave, this is the spot to place said memories! It's not necessary if you'd like to write it during the thread, but hopefully convenient for others. Just make a toplevel with your character's name in the header, and remember to include any content warnings thereafter for each memory, as applicable!

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Third Memory - Negative (Chapter 6 and Dorm Card spoilers. Warning: Loss of family/mourning)

[flameinthedarkness]

Idia’s not a fan of sleep. Or more that time before sleep and being fully unconscious. Too much time to think. Even if for some reason he isn’t rolling himself into bed completely exhausted from a too late gaming session again, he would have his headphones on to have music going, or one of his screens hanging over his bed to watch videos until he passed out. Anything to stop from thinking in that silence that was just too loud.

It’s well into the morning rather than the night, somewhere between 4 and 5am, early enough most wouldn’t be up around NRC yet, that Idia stirs in his sleep. He may be able to control his thoughts while awake, but not during sleep. And it is… all flames and a thick, black, ink-like substance. Blot. And the cries of help from a very young voice, calling for his big brother to save him.

Then blaming him.

By the time Idia surfaces from the nightmare he’s near hyperventilating, mouth gasping and open as he pressed the heels of his palms tight to his closed eyes. And that mass of blue fire hair now burning bright orange and flaring up around his head, the blue of his lips and covered blue rimmed eyes darkened to ashen black.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stopstopstopstopstop! Stop, please stop! He knows what he did! He knows! Stop reminding him! He knows what he did! He knows! He knows he should had been the one instead! It would had been better that way! Why did the fates have to let this happen?! Why wasn’t it him?!

Why did he have to lose Ortho…

It takes several minutes for Idia’s breath to move beyond that panicking need to get air into him, though it’s left still rapid as uneven, shaky, shallow breaths, though it’s between tightly gritted teeth now, coming in an out as a jittery hiss each time. Why did he bother? Why keep going? Why did he have to create that? Just to not be alone? To remind himself of what he did?

To have another chance?

He had let down Ortho once… this time he wouldn’t. Not again.

And… maybe because Idia has no one else. It had always been him and his brother. In the end it was supposed to be just them. Even if they had to turn their backs on the world, they would always have each other.

…until they tried to fix it. To change their fates. And had both paid the price.

Opening his mouth as if to let out a silent scream, Idia’s lips drew back, baring his teeth, before slowly allowing them to close, take a deep breath in, hold it…

“I’m ok. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m cool. I’m fine.” He whispered out, that orange flame lingering for a moment, before slowly starting to disperse as Idia lifted his hands to smooth them upwards and back over his head and hair, a slight shake of his head before it returned back to its normal blue flame. Taking a moment to breath, close his mouth, swallow, then open again for a few more breaths, he stayed still as his heartrate lowered and his breathing got under control, hugging his knees to his chest.

Idia reached up a hand, rubbing the heel of his palm, then the back of his hand, across one eye and the other, brushing away those tears that had collected under his palms during his panic. Then with some hesitation, eventually looked over to Ortho in sleep mode across the room. Good, he hadn’t activated his monitoring controls. Maybe it would had been better if he had, Ortho was good at helping him calm back down… but right now…

Destroy it. No. No, nonononono. It’s not him. I don’t care. You made a fake! It doesn’t matter! You replaced him!

“Stop…” Idia croaked out, “Just… stop.” Using the back of his wrist to hastily brush away new tears. “It’s done. I know.” He accepted it. If only he had earlier, none of this would had happened. It’s done. Idia’s accepted this. He’s accepted the consequences of not only his own actions but his ancestors’ actions. He would be the next watcher of the STYX, of the Underworld, of Tartarus, and of every Phantom that was imprisoned within it. That’s his role. Just… alone now.

It takes several more long minutes before Idia reached out a hand, snatching his headphones off the desk right next to his bed and shoving them over his ears. Dropping back onto his bed, Idia roughly grabbed at the arm stand connected to the head of his bed and which held a small tablet in a connector, he brushing at his eyes again with one hand as he tapped away with the other to bring up an episode of the latest anime he was binge watching. He only started to fully relax as the sounds of the episode started playing in his headphones, watching it but also really not, just letting the motion on the screen and sounds of the intro song wash away everything else going on in his mind as he hugged a pillow to his chest.

Don’t think about it. It won’t change anything. Just accept it’s already happened.